Now what.

So maybe I love waking up early to go get a Christmas tree in the bitter cold wind, and listening to a mix cd and my mother reading Pagan Christianity? out loud on the way (Yes I did italicize that book title. MLA has been revised everyone, it has been revised). I love this mix CD I have made. It goes from "Kids" to "Psalm" in 16 songs. And it is wonderful. And the book is kind of interesting too. But between that, the Bible, and some other books I've been reading, it sounds as if we are doing life and Christianity all wrong. Which is scary. But it is hopeful too. Because I do feel in my heart that there must be a better way! So, I was grumpy, it was the morning, I was eating a granola bar and listening to the music. We went up to the woods like we always do, as a family, to cut down a Christmas tree. It was very cold though. On the way back, our van got stuck in the mud and the ice. I wish I had taken a picture! We all had to push! At one point, I had to drive. It was scary, but finally we got our van out of the rough spot. We were very muddy and cold, but happy.
Then we visited our Grammy who mostly speaks nonsense now.
Then I went to this amazing Christmas party with amazing friends.
Soon I will dance the night away with a bunch of nerdy IB people. I will leave you all with a quote from our Sunday school's Christmas video:
"Tonight is Christmas and I hate Christmas because my parents left me when I was just a kid. I guess I'll go sleep by this garbage can."

It's December

What is going on in my life right now... recently some friends and I got together to have a tea party for my birthday. It was wild. Wow, I am eighteen already. I feel as if I have to be more responsible or something.
And it's time to choose what I want to do. So many people, when they hear that I am close to graduating, ask me what I will do next year. I just tell them I will go to university. I guess I have some pretty good ideas, but I just don't like to tell people in case they judge me. That's probably a really bad thing to think, but whatever. Besides, if I just tell people I will go to university, it gives them an opportunity to give me advice. I like advice. But, I am pretty much at peace with this college thing. I am not panicking.
Meanwhile, I got an iTunes gift card for my birthday. So that was really exciting. Some songs I downloaded:

H1N1

So many people missing from school, such large lines for vaccination, Purell dispensers popping up everywhere... what is this madness? It's H1N1!
And I may have it.
Yesterday evening I felt very strange- very hot and yet it felt like I was shivering. Besides that, I have a terrible cold, I have had it since camp, well anyway, I felt awful yesterday.
My temperature was 101.8
I had pretty much NO energy.
Just in case you are wondering,
I think I have H1N1.

Haiku for Swine Flu
coughing and fever
are symptoms of this virus;
it ruins autumn

Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving in Canada. Our family gathered in the capital of New Brunswick for some turkey and skype with the relatives out West. Here is what I am thankful for: ................................................................................................................................................................. Education

I think education is really something to be thankful for. Although I sometimes complain about school and IB and the extended essay, I still really love the opportunity to get an education. A couple of days ago, our IB graduating class had a retreat and I had a lot of fun. Still, it was sad to think that in a couple of years, these friends I have will turn into people who I will remember only when I see their picture in the yearbook and think "Oh, I went to high school with him. I wonder what happened to him." So I think that is a little sad. But I am so grateful for education, that I am learning these really cool things in school, things that just blow my mind. I was learning about four-dimensional figures the other day. Insane. I am so happy to have equal educational opportunity as a male. I think the IB program has a lot of opportunities. I like learning two languages (three if you count gaelic) besides English. I like that, although I have lived in the Maritimes for my whole life and have never travelled farther than Ottawa, I can know what life is like in far away lands and at other time periods.

Music

I guess music is awesome. Yeah I am pretty sure it is. Not too long ago I read a sixeyes post listing some great Canadian music. I think I am pretty lucky to live in Canada. Right now I am into Hey Rosetta! a lot and Joel Plaskett. Jason Collett is pretty cool and Jon Bryant, an up and coming Halifax acoustic performer, is also someone who is a great musician. Even in the smallish town where I live there is a supergreat band program and well music is great. A character in The Swallows of Kabul said "Music is the true breath of life. We eat so we won't starve to death. We sing so we can hear ourselves live."

The Church

So, I think it is a given that I am thankful for Jesus and God and the ultimate gift of life, but I would also like to say I am super thankful for the church. The Catholic church has taken a lot of flak lately because of priests who are pedophiles and such, and that sucks out loud. But the church can do way better than that. I am not Catholic. My church is not Catholic. And I love my church. I love the church in general I think. About a week ago, some people at a church my family is friends with gathered at a leader's cottage. We discussed what our perfect church would look like. Since I had been reading Acts, all I could think of was the Acts church:

All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of his possessions was his own, but they shared everything they had.
With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and much grace was upon them all. There were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned lands or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles' feet, and it was distributed to anyone as he had need.
-Acts 4:32-35, NIV

I am thankful for this model of a good church. I am thankful for my church and the web of support it is.
Happy Thanksgiving All!

My New Song I Love

A couple of my favourite people sang this at summer camp this week. Beautiful.


Times- Tenth Avenue North

I know I need You
I need to love You
I love to see You, but it's been so long
I long to feel You
I feel this need for You
And I need to hear You, is that so wrong?

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

Now You pull me near You
When we're close, I fear You
Still I'm afraid to tell You, all that I've done
Are You done forgiving?
Oh can You look past my pretending?
Lord, I'm so tired of defending, what I've become
What have I become?

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

I hear You say,
"My love is over. It's underneath.
It's inside. It's in between.
The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel.
The times that you question, 'Is this for real? '
The times you're broken.
The times that you mend.
The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.
Well, My love is over, it's underneath.
It's inside, it's in between.
These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like you're falling from grace.
The times you're hurting
The times that you heal.
The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.
The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.
I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
I'm there through your heartache.
I'm there in the storm.
My love I will keep you, by My pow'r alone.
I don't care where you fall, where you have been.
I'll never forsake you, My love never ends.
It never ends."

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

Hey Rosetta!- Psalm

So I have listened to this song like a hundred times. It is beautiful and melancholy and good to listen to with your eyes closed. To me it is full of sorrow and longing and grace, but you can draw your own conclusions. The lyrics are:

But often it happens you know
That the things you don't trust are the ones you need most
So it's cautiously into the dark
But you see before long that your eyes will adjust
And under the night you can hear
The full moon rise like a psalm in the air
And the air goes into your lungs
And around in your heart and on through your blood
It goes cautiously into the dark
And you see before long that we all have a part
And under your skin you can feel
That the fear that you feel is what will set you free

And under the night you can hear
The full moon rise like a psalm in the air
And the air goes into your lungs

Another good song and lyrics

Bowl of Oranges- Bright Eyes
The rain had started tapping
On the window near my bed
There was a loophole in my dreaming
So I got out of it
And to my surprise my eyes were wide
And already open
Just my nightstand and my dresser
Where those nightmares had just been

So I dressed myself and left then
Out into the gray streets
But everything seemed different
Completely new to me
The sky, the trees, houses, buildings
Even my own body
And each person I encountered
I couldn't wait to meet

And I came upon a doctor
Who appeared in quite poor health
I said, "There's nothing I can do for you
You can't do for yourself"
He said, "Oh, yes you can, just hold my hand
I think that that would help"
So I sat with him a while
And I asked him how he felt
He said, "I think I'm cured
No, in fact I'm sure of it
Thank you stranger
For your theraputic smile"

So that's how I learned the lesson
That everyone's alone
And your eyes must do some raining
If you're ever gonna grow
When crying don't help, you can't compose yourself
It's best to compose a poem
An honest verse of longing
Or a simple song of hope

That's why I'm singing, baby, don't worry
Because now I've got your back
And every time you feel like crying
I'm gonna try to make you laugh
And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad
Then we'll wait for it to pass
And I will keep you company
Through those days so long and black

We'll keep working on the problem
We know we'll never solve
Of love's uneven remainders
Our lives are fractions of a whole
But if the world could remain within a frame
Like a painting on a wall
Then I think we'd see the beauty then
And stand staring in awe

At our still lives posed
Like a bowl of oranges
Like a story told
By the fault lines and the soil

Good Lyrics & Song

The Fray- You Found Me
I found God on the corner of 1st and Amistad
Where the West was all but won
All alone, smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where've you been?" He said, "Ask anything."

Where were you, when everything was falling apart.
All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang
And all I needed was a call that never came
To the corner of 1st and Amistad

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

But in the end everyone ends up alone
Losing her, the only one who's ever known
Who I am, who I'm not and who I wanna to be
No way to know how long she will be next to me

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

The early morning, the city breaks
And I've been calling for years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never sent me no letters
You got some kind of nerve taking all I want

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, Where were you? Where were you?

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

Why'd you have to wait, to find me, to find me?

Scotland the Brave

So, I just returned home from a weekend at the Gaelic College in Cape Breton. Great experience.
Everything Scottish is awesome. Think about it. Its true.

One Valentine's Day

I usually don't like this holiday because it is one holiday that has a catch. It has strings attached. In order to be older than about 12 and celebrate Valentine's Day you must be in a relationship. Well the last few years I have just mostly sat at home and felt sorry for myself on this particular day of the year, but this year it was great! Valentine's of 2009 was my favourite in my memory. It was on a Saturday, and I got to sleep in which is something I rarely do. Then my mum made me brunch, which was kind of her. Then my sister and I made Valentine's Cards, and we went to a local Senior's Residence to give them out and we played Trivial Pursuit with some elderly ladies. They were pretty forgetful, but they knew some answers like the capital of New Brunswick (Fredericton) and Napoleon's last name (Bonaparte). It was Trivial Pursuit Jr. There was a little girl also spending Valentine's Day with the seniors, and she made me a card. It turned out to be the only card I got, which is kind of funny, but it was a very sweet card with a poem (roses are red...). After we went to the Senior's Home, we went to Tim Horton's. My town has like seven Tim Horton's and it is pretty much impossible to get from "A" to "B" without passing one. So we got French Vanillas, the love of my life. I was also with my wonderful sister and Mum. Then we went to a local second-hand store which has all kinds of clothes and stuff. It is probably my favourite store ever. When I go to college, I will miss this store for sure. And I went there on Valentine's Day! And I got two tops! Just so y'all know. That night, we stayed at home and ate pizza (its not delivery...). And did I mention that throughout the entire day, it was lightly snowing in the perfect fluffy way? Well, it was, and it was perfect. That evening, we watched a movie called Fireproof. It is a really low budget film, made by a church in like Georgia or something, but is really good. Anyway, last night I went to bed feeling a peace and contentness that I haven't felt in ages. And I thought, if someday I can find someone who makes me feel like that, I will stay with them forever.

February 14

Happy Valentine's Day! :)

Dog River Senior's Beat

POTLUCK SUCKS!

This is no Joke

Saw this movie at Zellers today. The back read something like 'we put the hip in worship'